A text to my best friend
contains my raw reality
“I feel like such a failure.”
The reply almost instantaneous.
“You must say no to that lie. Ask God what you are, my dear. Really.”
So God, here I am.
With one question…
What am I, really?
You are learning
to follow me
to live my call.
So dear to my heart.
Cherished by me for more than what you see contained within you.
You are Mine.
You follow My heart.
You listen to My voice.
You seek My face.
You are mine.
And I am wholly devoted to you.
Time for something different.
You’ve been in a place of little for far too long.
A style of getting by with just barely enough .
It’s time for a change.
It’s time for desperation.
Desperation for Me and Me alone.
It is here where your thirst for Me will be made known.
Here in this state your heart will become truly Mine.
For you will know how much you need Me.
How much you’ve always needed Me.
But more importantly how much you desire Me.
Desperation for Me – is the banner over you.
For it is here where you will seek My face.
You will seek Me in new ways,
With new fervor,
and greater depth.
So I encourage you My child yo seek My face – for you will find it.
You will see Me for who I Am.
I Am your hope,
and life source.
In your desperation you will find Me.
It is here you will be changed.
Here you will realize that desperation will be your way of life.
It is time for a change.
This is it.
A deep cry is pouring out of my soul.
I can’t quiet it.
It comes in the deepest waves.
The cry that I need you God, so much.
I need you.
It’s not a want anymore – it’s the most desperate need I’ve ever known.
I’ll scream it at the top of my lungs – I need you so much.
Oh, how I need you.
God, I have nothing to offer you – but the pieces of my heart.
But I give them freely.
Take me God I’m ready to be yours.
Make me the lover of your heart.
This is my need,
this is my cry.
I am drawing you to the brink.
The brink of all you’ve known.
There’s more to be had.
That’s why I’m drawing you so strongly.
So that you can breathe in the very being of Me.
Yahweh – The Great I Am – Will be on your breath.
No longer will it be an occasional experience.
It will be necessity.
I am not an option – This is what you are realizing in the faintness.
So be even fainter still,
You need Me.
Don’t be afraid.
Breathe Me in,
Breathe deeply My beloved.